1 00:00:01,268 --> 00:00:03,528 Found that in my pocket at the bowls club last night. 2 00:00:03,630 --> 00:00:06,000 Some frigger has found out about William 3 00:00:06,102 --> 00:00:08,332 and sent me a blackmail letter. 4 00:00:08,435 --> 00:00:09,405 You have to give the money back. 5 00:00:09,507 --> 00:00:10,570 No. 6 00:00:10,672 --> 00:00:12,809 Then you leave me with no other option. Deborah Fendon, 7 00:00:12,911 --> 00:00:14,208 I'm arresting you on suspicion 8 00:00:14,310 --> 00:00:15,812 of committing fraud by deception. 9 00:00:15,914 --> 00:00:17,573 Five grand. What's that on? 10 00:00:17,675 --> 00:00:19,808 A GoFundMe for the drop-in centre. 11 00:00:19,910 --> 00:00:22,247 They've been totally shafted by the cuts. 12 00:00:22,349 --> 00:00:24,890 Shall we go t'station, then? 13 00:00:24,992 --> 00:00:27,054 And after you've taken me down, promise me 14 00:00:27,156 --> 00:00:28,827 that you'll find this bastard 15 00:00:28,929 --> 00:00:31,128 and nail his bollocks to his backside. 16 00:00:31,230 --> 00:00:32,729 - What's going on? - Get back in the house, you! 17 00:00:32,831 --> 00:00:34,327 You're meant to be dead! 18 00:00:34,429 --> 00:00:36,093 - Mrs Fendon. - Yeah. 19 00:00:36,195 --> 00:00:37,298 I want my money. 20 00:00:37,401 --> 00:00:41,073 Colberton petrol station, midnight tomorrow. 21 00:00:48,811 --> 00:00:50,342 Oh... 22 00:00:50,444 --> 00:00:53,644 Incredible stamina, to be fair. 23 00:00:53,746 --> 00:00:55,819 - It's like Phil Collins. - It's Sting. 24 00:00:55,921 --> 00:00:57,285 It will in the morning, yeah, 25 00:00:57,388 --> 00:00:59,288 because they've got barbs on their whatsits. 26 00:00:59,390 --> 00:01:02,888 No, it's Sting who's famous for the long boffs. 27 00:01:02,991 --> 00:01:04,228 Oh. Yeah. 28 00:01:05,329 --> 00:01:09,231 Well, as long as it's not in my veg patch. 29 00:01:09,334 --> 00:01:12,396 So you're saying you don't want fox ejaculate 30 00:01:12,498 --> 00:01:14,136 in your cauliflower cheese? 31 00:01:14,238 --> 00:01:17,274 And that's another Sunday lunch ruined. 32 00:01:23,044 --> 00:01:25,942 Ssh! I know. 33 00:01:27,082 --> 00:01:29,147 Daddy, I need a poo. 34 00:01:42,362 --> 00:01:44,530 - Mum. - Let me in! 35 00:01:44,632 --> 00:01:47,370 - It's 7am. - I know, I've barely slept. 36 00:01:47,472 --> 00:01:50,102 - I have to talk to Neha. - Can't you come back later? 37 00:01:50,204 --> 00:01:51,737 No. I need a poo. 38 00:02:30,882 --> 00:02:32,349 Sorry we're late. 39 00:02:32,451 --> 00:02:35,051 - Too many bums to wipe. - Didn't you get my message? 40 00:02:35,153 --> 00:02:36,615 - I've got Covid. - Oh, dear. 41 00:02:36,717 --> 00:02:38,616 I'm sorry to hear that. Go on, in you go... 42 00:02:38,718 --> 00:02:40,983 Sorry. What are you doing? Mr Fendon? 43 00:02:41,085 --> 00:02:43,926 I said I can't have the boys today. I have Covid. 44 00:02:44,028 --> 00:02:45,494 Honestly, they'll be fine. 45 00:02:45,596 --> 00:02:47,296 George licked a manhole cover last week, didn't you? 46 00:02:47,398 --> 00:02:48,934 His immunity is basically like the X-Men. 47 00:02:49,036 --> 00:02:50,960 You don't seem to be listening to me. 48 00:02:51,062 --> 00:02:53,169 Wait, are you saying you want them to wear masks? 49 00:02:53,271 --> 00:02:55,271 - No. - How about a Perspex screen? 50 00:02:55,373 --> 00:02:56,700 Got one of those? You could sit behind it. 51 00:02:56,802 --> 00:02:58,305 Why would I have a Perspex screen? 52 00:02:58,407 --> 00:03:00,011 - In your shower? - Mr Fendon, 53 00:03:00,113 --> 00:03:01,637 I'm not going to sit in the shower 54 00:03:01,739 --> 00:03:03,314 all day watching your children. 55 00:03:03,416 --> 00:03:05,881 - I'm going back to bed. - No, wait. Wait, wait, wait. 56 00:03:07,755 --> 00:03:09,346 What am I going to do? 57 00:03:09,448 --> 00:03:10,847 Have you considered 58 00:03:10,949 --> 00:03:13,124 looking after your own children yourself? 59 00:03:13,226 --> 00:03:15,389 I'm gonna need to see that lateral flow. 60 00:03:15,491 --> 00:03:16,787 - Mr Fendon? - How thick are the lines? 61 00:03:16,890 --> 00:03:18,053 How thick are the lines? How thick are the lines? 62 00:03:18,155 --> 00:03:20,625 - The antigens, Liz. - I'm calling the police! 63 00:03:20,727 --> 00:03:23,125 Don't make me look after my own children! 64 00:03:25,629 --> 00:03:27,401 No offence, mate. 65 00:03:27,503 --> 00:03:31,276 Don't repeat any of that to Mummy, OK? 66 00:03:33,146 --> 00:03:36,011 I brought you the blackmail note, 67 00:03:36,113 --> 00:03:37,914 and I did as you said. 68 00:03:38,016 --> 00:03:40,109 I cut off communication. 69 00:03:41,286 --> 00:03:43,019 Might need to wrap that in tinfoil, 70 00:03:43,122 --> 00:03:45,587 - do we? - Um, yeah. Maybe later. 71 00:03:47,159 --> 00:03:50,229 Right... Oh! That photo is awful. 72 00:03:50,331 --> 00:03:53,359 - I look like Ann Widdecombe. - Right, question one. 73 00:03:53,461 --> 00:03:55,162 Who could know about William? 74 00:03:55,264 --> 00:03:57,295 Exactly. Good thinking. 75 00:03:57,397 --> 00:03:58,669 No, I'm asking you. 76 00:03:58,771 --> 00:04:00,699 Oh. Oh. Um... 77 00:04:00,802 --> 00:04:04,537 Well, no-one. We've been unbelievably careful. 78 00:04:04,639 --> 00:04:06,207 Uh, what about the petrol station? 79 00:04:06,309 --> 00:04:08,146 Well, that was just a one-off. 80 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,973 I mean, William may be feckless and reckless 81 00:04:11,075 --> 00:04:15,549 and cocking annoying, but he's not stupid. 82 00:04:15,651 --> 00:04:17,221 - Are you with your mother? - No. 83 00:04:17,323 --> 00:04:19,047 Why are you calling on an unknown number? 84 00:04:19,149 --> 00:04:22,058 Because she's taken the bloody landline. 85 00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:23,722 - Well, why? - I don't know. 86 00:04:23,824 --> 00:04:25,888 There's more chance of the reanimated corpse 87 00:04:25,990 --> 00:04:27,560 of Mahatma Gandhi winning Strictly 88 00:04:27,662 --> 00:04:28,957 than either of us understanding why 89 00:04:29,059 --> 00:04:30,467 your mother does the things she does. 90 00:04:30,569 --> 00:04:32,497 Why are you so obsessed with Gandhi being on Strictly? 91 00:04:32,599 --> 00:04:33,998 Also, stop leaving the house. 92 00:04:34,100 --> 00:04:37,200 Could you please tell her that we're out of loo roll? 93 00:04:37,302 --> 00:04:39,977 I'm not with her. Although that does explain this morning. 94 00:04:40,079 --> 00:04:41,344 Well, if I don't get some soon, 95 00:04:41,447 --> 00:04:43,206 I'm gonna have to start using the tea towels. 96 00:04:43,308 --> 00:04:46,680 And not just any tea towels, her special Brambly Hedge ones. 97 00:04:46,782 --> 00:04:48,285 Look, I have no time for your dirty protest, OK? 98 00:04:48,387 --> 00:04:50,022 The childminder's sick, and I've got work. 99 00:04:50,124 --> 00:04:51,486 - I'm just... I'm stressed! - Ah. 100 00:04:51,589 --> 00:04:53,286 So you're gonna need some help with the boys? 101 00:04:53,388 --> 00:04:54,851 Yeah, I do, desperately. 102 00:04:54,953 --> 00:04:56,655 George! No, no, no, not in the mouth. 103 00:04:56,757 --> 00:04:58,858 Why don't you bring them over to ours? 104 00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:01,726 Oh, because it might be quite traumatising for George 105 00:05:01,828 --> 00:05:03,300 to have his grandpa come back to life 106 00:05:03,402 --> 00:05:05,302 two months after he saw you burnt in a box, 107 00:05:05,405 --> 00:05:07,337 and we've been telling him you're in heaven. 108 00:05:07,439 --> 00:05:09,506 Oh. Made it in, then, did I? That's good. 109 00:05:09,608 --> 00:05:13,310 Anyway, it'd be great to see the little rascals again. 110 00:05:13,412 --> 00:05:15,313 - Dad, they think you're dead. - Ah, yes. 111 00:05:15,415 --> 00:05:18,006 They might think I'm dead. But have you forgotten? 112 00:05:18,108 --> 00:05:20,479 Your father is a master of disguise. 113 00:05:20,581 --> 00:05:22,285 A man of a thousand faces. 114 00:05:22,387 --> 00:05:24,646 A shape-shifting ghost in the wind. 115 00:05:24,748 --> 00:05:26,657 Morning, William! 116 00:05:27,794 --> 00:05:29,626 Who was that? 117 00:05:29,728 --> 00:05:34,099 Pigeon... Look, just come over and all will be revealed. 118 00:05:34,201 --> 00:05:36,060 And please don't forget the loo roll. 119 00:05:41,865 --> 00:05:43,733 Oh, that's much better. 120 00:05:43,835 --> 00:05:46,975 So motive is obviously money. 121 00:05:47,077 --> 00:05:48,408 And jealousy. 122 00:05:48,510 --> 00:05:50,509 I mean, being a public figure, 123 00:05:50,611 --> 00:05:52,040 I'm up there to be shot down. 124 00:05:52,142 --> 00:05:54,752 Right. What makes you a public figure? 125 00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:56,882 I cut the ribbon 126 00:05:56,984 --> 00:05:59,850 when Billie had her downstairs toilet installed. 127 00:05:59,952 --> 00:06:01,816 I don't think you get asked to do that 128 00:06:01,918 --> 00:06:03,294 without having a profile. 129 00:06:03,397 --> 00:06:05,628 - She asked you? - Well, she asked, I offered - 130 00:06:05,730 --> 00:06:07,863 what's the difference? Let's just focus back on this, 131 00:06:07,966 --> 00:06:09,094 shall we? 132 00:06:09,196 --> 00:06:13,064 The real pain in the arse is that we can't see that CCTV. 133 00:06:14,064 --> 00:06:15,740 There's cameras at the bowls club? 134 00:06:15,842 --> 00:06:17,966 Er, just a bit. 135 00:06:18,068 --> 00:06:19,736 Clive's got that place rigged up 136 00:06:19,838 --> 00:06:21,543 like Jeffrey Epstein's island. 137 00:06:21,645 --> 00:06:23,941 Not that anything like that goes on there. 138 00:06:24,043 --> 00:06:26,150 Sorry, why didn't you mention this before? 139 00:06:26,252 --> 00:06:28,145 Although I do have my suspicions 140 00:06:28,247 --> 00:06:30,988 that Billie and Geoff had a bonk in the changing room. 141 00:06:31,090 --> 00:06:32,515 We need to see that video. 142 00:06:32,617 --> 00:06:34,058 No, thank you! 143 00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:36,193 I'm not against pornography, 144 00:06:36,295 --> 00:06:37,889 but preferably not starring Geoff, 145 00:06:37,991 --> 00:06:40,488 - please and thank you. - No, the other one. 146 00:06:40,590 --> 00:06:44,229 Oh, no. No. I tried that, but I didn't have Clive's password. 147 00:06:44,332 --> 00:06:45,470 Debbie... 148 00:06:46,633 --> 00:06:49,472 ..I don't need passwords. 149 00:06:49,574 --> 00:06:53,576 Oh, well, now you're being a bit useful. 150 00:06:53,678 --> 00:06:57,515 Right. Come on, I'll be Cagney, you can be Hutch. 151 00:07:06,689 --> 00:07:10,189 Ah! Vilkom. Hello. 152 00:07:10,291 --> 00:07:12,057 Ah! Hey! 153 00:07:16,632 --> 00:07:18,894 Ah! You must be der young George 154 00:07:18,996 --> 00:07:21,296 I have heard so much about. 155 00:07:21,398 --> 00:07:25,837 I am your great-uncle Otto from Bavaria in Germany. 156 00:07:25,939 --> 00:07:27,544 Come on, George, it's OK, it's OK. 157 00:07:27,646 --> 00:07:29,512 Uncle Otto isn't as scary as he looks. Are you? 158 00:07:29,615 --> 00:07:33,646 Nein, nein! Kommen-sie in for some varm tea 159 00:07:33,748 --> 00:07:37,382 and some honey Kuchen to eat... 160 00:07:37,484 --> 00:07:39,117 ..with the tea. 161 00:07:40,392 --> 00:07:42,426 Next time, ze triple ply, bitte. 162 00:07:42,528 --> 00:07:44,854 That is like wiping with printer paper. 163 00:07:44,957 --> 00:07:46,229 Drinks and games are in the bag. 164 00:07:46,331 --> 00:07:47,497 Just keep them occupied, OK? 165 00:07:47,599 --> 00:07:50,865 Don't worry. We Germans know how to do that. 166 00:07:59,344 --> 00:08:00,772 Hey, hey, hey, hey! I lead. 167 00:08:00,874 --> 00:08:02,610 Well, no, this is my bowls club. 168 00:08:02,712 --> 00:08:04,511 Yeah, and this is literally my job. 169 00:08:04,613 --> 00:08:06,946 Oh, but Clive is so annoying. 170 00:08:07,048 --> 00:08:09,453 - I wanna do him. - I appreciate you're excited, 171 00:08:09,555 --> 00:08:11,350 but we need to keep this professional. OK? 172 00:08:11,452 --> 00:08:13,118 Yeah, fine. 173 00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:16,291 Hands out, you naughty wanker. 174 00:08:16,393 --> 00:08:17,620 What are you doing? 175 00:08:17,722 --> 00:08:19,159 Flipping 'eck! 176 00:08:25,667 --> 00:08:27,299 We've had some feedback. 177 00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:31,202 They're not happy with the copy. 178 00:08:40,446 --> 00:08:42,147 Hmm. 179 00:08:46,422 --> 00:08:48,458 It's a bit of a... 180 00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:51,758 I have a herniated disc in the neck. 181 00:08:51,860 --> 00:08:54,159 Do you know what a herniated disc is? 182 00:08:59,568 --> 00:09:01,903 Do you follow the snooker? 183 00:09:06,309 --> 00:09:07,907 What's that? 184 00:09:08,010 --> 00:09:14,375 That...that is the Rolls-Royce vater blaster. 185 00:09:14,478 --> 00:09:17,185 I use it to keep ze foxes out of ze garden. 186 00:09:17,287 --> 00:09:19,053 Foxes raus! 187 00:09:19,155 --> 00:09:20,391 How? 188 00:09:20,493 --> 00:09:23,851 I fill it up with wee-wee. 189 00:09:26,862 --> 00:09:30,168 - There you go. - What's this? Prawns? 190 00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:32,697 Oh, we got... 191 00:09:32,799 --> 00:09:34,736 We got targeted last year 192 00:09:34,838 --> 00:09:38,341 by that roving band of Geordie fishmongers. 193 00:09:38,444 --> 00:09:41,039 Jean spent £400 of club funds 194 00:09:41,142 --> 00:09:44,176 and now we're stuck with 18kg of the buggers. 195 00:09:44,278 --> 00:09:46,449 Incidentally, we're hosting a seafood spectacular 196 00:09:46,551 --> 00:09:48,751 on Friday, if you'd like to come. 197 00:09:48,853 --> 00:09:50,852 Yeah, I mean, I'll have to check my diary on that. 198 00:09:50,954 --> 00:09:53,757 - It could be good. Yeah. - You hold that there. 199 00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:59,191 Debbie, is there something you'd like to say to Clive? 200 00:10:02,796 --> 00:10:05,804 Sorry for barging you. 201 00:10:05,906 --> 00:10:07,329 And...? 202 00:10:07,431 --> 00:10:13,409 And sorry for calling you a naughty wanker 203 00:10:13,511 --> 00:10:17,108 and a dullard and a fart hole. 204 00:10:17,211 --> 00:10:19,382 You didn't call me a dullard and a fart hole. 205 00:10:19,485 --> 00:10:20,846 - Oh, sorry, I meant to. - Clive, 206 00:10:20,948 --> 00:10:22,552 will you accept Debbie's apology? 207 00:10:22,654 --> 00:10:24,345 Well, no, I'd rather press charges. 208 00:10:24,447 --> 00:10:25,713 Sure, but given I've already explained 209 00:10:25,815 --> 00:10:28,825 that's not going to happen, please can we just make peace? 210 00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:32,253 Fine. 211 00:10:32,355 --> 00:10:35,362 But she is not watching my CCTV. 212 00:10:35,464 --> 00:10:37,727 Neha, tell him. 213 00:10:37,829 --> 00:10:40,534 Look, I get it. 214 00:10:40,636 --> 00:10:42,198 As a constable of the law, 215 00:10:42,300 --> 00:10:45,209 no-one respects GDPR more than I do. 216 00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:46,840 A robust data policy is 217 00:10:46,942 --> 00:10:49,648 the keystone of a civilised society. 218 00:10:51,216 --> 00:10:52,942 Are you crying? 219 00:10:53,044 --> 00:10:55,245 Just keep... Carry on. 220 00:10:55,347 --> 00:10:58,017 But if I get a warrant, you'll have coppers 221 00:10:58,119 --> 00:11:00,118 swarming over this place like Love Islanders 222 00:11:00,220 --> 00:11:02,792 at a film premiere. And you don't want that. 223 00:11:02,894 --> 00:11:04,856 Not with all those Panda Pops and Double Deckers 224 00:11:04,958 --> 00:11:05,892 you've got on the bar that say 225 00:11:05,994 --> 00:11:07,262 "not to be sold separately" on them. 226 00:11:08,658 --> 00:11:11,125 Plus, that warrant will cover your computer... 227 00:11:11,227 --> 00:11:13,166 ..and your search history. 228 00:11:15,507 --> 00:11:17,874 What day do you need to see? 229 00:11:19,045 --> 00:11:20,602 Uh... 230 00:11:33,423 --> 00:11:35,389 Look! There. 231 00:11:38,330 --> 00:11:39,555 I don't believe it! 232 00:11:45,833 --> 00:11:47,931 It's Pamela Anderson! 233 00:11:48,033 --> 00:11:49,602 It's not funny, Neha. 234 00:11:49,704 --> 00:11:50,874 That is my friend. 235 00:11:50,976 --> 00:11:54,002 I just always find it a tiny bit funny that's her name. 236 00:11:54,104 --> 00:11:56,211 I can't believe it! 237 00:11:56,313 --> 00:11:57,514 Pamela! 238 00:11:57,616 --> 00:11:59,614 After everything I've done for her. 239 00:11:59,716 --> 00:12:01,010 What have you done for her? 240 00:12:01,112 --> 00:12:02,246 Well, nothing specific, 241 00:12:02,348 --> 00:12:04,486 but, you know, nice me, what I haven't done 242 00:12:04,588 --> 00:12:05,820 is punch her in the gob 243 00:12:05,922 --> 00:12:08,185 for being the yawning bore that she is. 244 00:12:08,287 --> 00:12:10,286 Sorry, Debbie, this must be really hard. 245 00:12:10,388 --> 00:12:12,022 Not as hard as it's going to be on her 246 00:12:12,124 --> 00:12:13,561 when you slap the cuffs on her. 247 00:12:13,663 --> 00:12:14,830 And can you bonk her head 248 00:12:14,932 --> 00:12:16,862 on the side of the car as you shove her in? 249 00:12:16,964 --> 00:12:18,162 No, cos it's not the 1970s. 250 00:12:18,264 --> 00:12:19,999 And I'm not your pet police officer. 251 00:12:20,101 --> 00:12:21,571 I can't just go around arresting people 252 00:12:21,673 --> 00:12:23,506 - cos you say so. - Oh, come on. 253 00:12:23,609 --> 00:12:25,509 I know you love all this woke-y, 254 00:12:25,611 --> 00:12:27,644 softly, softly stuff these days, 255 00:12:27,746 --> 00:12:29,812 but a little bit of old-fashioned justice 256 00:12:29,914 --> 00:12:31,809 is what a cow like Pamela Anderson needs! 257 00:12:31,911 --> 00:12:33,780 It's just a name. 258 00:12:33,882 --> 00:12:35,749 - I'm sorry. - Unbelievable. 259 00:12:35,851 --> 00:12:37,387 You're being so unprofessional. 260 00:12:37,489 --> 00:12:38,548 I know, sorry. Sorry. 261 00:12:38,650 --> 00:12:41,487 It's just, if I do go and arrest Pamela Anderson... 262 00:12:41,589 --> 00:12:42,761 Stop it. 263 00:12:44,029 --> 00:12:47,494 The first question will be, who is she blackmailing, 264 00:12:47,596 --> 00:12:49,091 and what about? 265 00:12:49,193 --> 00:12:51,963 Well, I'll just deny it. 266 00:12:52,065 --> 00:12:53,964 I've got the death certificate. 267 00:12:54,066 --> 00:12:55,972 Yeah, and she's got the... 268 00:12:57,642 --> 00:12:58,741 Actually, what has she got? 269 00:12:58,843 --> 00:13:01,308 She's got a bloody nerve, that's what. 270 00:13:01,410 --> 00:13:03,847 I mean, if she wanted money, why didn't she just ask me, 271 00:13:03,949 --> 00:13:06,584 instead of taking advantage of a grieving widow, 272 00:13:06,686 --> 00:13:08,045 like a waiter on a Greek holiday? 273 00:13:08,147 --> 00:13:09,345 No, no, I am being serious. 274 00:13:09,447 --> 00:13:11,422 How do you know she knows about William? 275 00:13:11,524 --> 00:13:13,022 Because she put it in the note. 276 00:13:13,124 --> 00:13:15,851 But like you just said, you have his death certificate. 277 00:13:15,953 --> 00:13:17,659 And...?! 278 00:13:17,761 --> 00:13:19,689 She must have proof he's alive. 279 00:13:19,791 --> 00:13:22,724 A kidnapper would usually send a bit of ear or a finger, 280 00:13:22,826 --> 00:13:25,667 and a blackmailer would send a photo, usually nude, 281 00:13:25,769 --> 00:13:26,937 so you know they're serious. 282 00:13:27,039 --> 00:13:29,463 Sorry, how would Pamela have a nude photo of William? 283 00:13:29,565 --> 00:13:31,538 No, I'm not saying he'd be nude. 284 00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:33,202 I'm saying... 285 00:13:33,304 --> 00:13:35,044 We need to go to your house. 286 00:13:36,082 --> 00:13:37,210 Why? 287 00:13:37,312 --> 00:13:39,809 I'll tell you on the way. Oh, no, one last thing. 288 00:13:39,912 --> 00:13:41,380 Oh. What? 289 00:13:45,817 --> 00:13:47,155 Oh! 290 00:13:48,491 --> 00:13:49,692 Urgh! 291 00:13:49,794 --> 00:13:52,229 That's why Clive didn't want people 292 00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:53,458 on his computer. 293 00:13:56,397 --> 00:13:58,569 Harry, I'm going to 294 00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:00,567 need you to get on with that today. 295 00:14:03,502 --> 00:14:06,003 If you could send the first draft to me 296 00:14:06,105 --> 00:14:08,245 by, at the latest, two, 297 00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:09,545 two o'clock. 298 00:14:09,647 --> 00:14:10,715 What I'm saying is that 299 00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:12,847 Pam must have sent you another blackmail note. 300 00:14:12,949 --> 00:14:14,376 Oh, no. I don't want another one. 301 00:14:14,478 --> 00:14:15,881 No. This is one you already had, 302 00:14:15,983 --> 00:14:17,216 but it somehow got missed. 303 00:14:17,318 --> 00:14:19,281 How could I have missed a blackmail note? 304 00:14:19,383 --> 00:14:20,416 Don't take this the wrong way, 305 00:14:20,518 --> 00:14:21,690 but I can kind of see how something 306 00:14:21,792 --> 00:14:23,321 might get lost in your house. 307 00:14:23,424 --> 00:14:26,057 Oh, well, tidy houses are for boring people. 308 00:14:26,159 --> 00:14:27,896 Oh, my God! 309 00:14:27,998 --> 00:14:32,126 George! George, what are you doing here? 310 00:14:32,228 --> 00:14:33,561 By yourself? 311 00:14:33,663 --> 00:14:35,766 - This is a surprise. - What is he...? 312 00:14:39,107 --> 00:14:41,412 William! 313 00:14:41,514 --> 00:14:44,038 Um... 314 00:14:44,140 --> 00:14:45,147 Ah... 315 00:14:46,677 --> 00:14:49,654 There's supposed to be some children there. 316 00:14:49,756 --> 00:14:51,583 Where did all the other ones go? 317 00:14:51,685 --> 00:14:56,188 Uh, yeah. The Pontipines. Now there's a chaotic family. 318 00:14:56,290 --> 00:14:58,586 You couldn't manage one hour with them. 319 00:14:58,688 --> 00:15:00,322 I haven't been sleeping well, have I, 320 00:15:00,424 --> 00:15:02,759 because of the tantric foxes. 321 00:15:02,861 --> 00:15:07,670 Plus, children at that age, they're quite boring company. 322 00:15:07,772 --> 00:15:09,098 - William! - No, Debbie, 323 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:10,270 it's not his fault. 324 00:15:10,372 --> 00:15:12,405 Harry should never have put him in that position. 325 00:15:12,507 --> 00:15:14,843 I mean, what were you doing, bringing him here anyway? 326 00:15:14,945 --> 00:15:16,813 George thinks he's dead. 327 00:15:16,915 --> 00:15:18,383 George doesn't actually know it's me. 328 00:15:18,485 --> 00:15:20,444 Cos I'm in character. 329 00:15:20,547 --> 00:15:24,422 You told me you'd thrown those Lederhosen away. 330 00:15:24,524 --> 00:15:25,921 Yeah, that was a lie. 331 00:15:26,023 --> 00:15:28,118 Look, the most important thing is, 332 00:15:28,220 --> 00:15:29,794 is that the boys are safe. 333 00:15:29,896 --> 00:15:32,288 Yeah. No thanks to Von Shitzenpants here. 334 00:15:32,391 --> 00:15:34,359 What are you doing here, anyway? 335 00:15:34,461 --> 00:15:37,094 - We need to find something. - Yeah, well, 336 00:15:37,196 --> 00:15:38,659 if it's something useless, 337 00:15:38,761 --> 00:15:40,871 like a collection of porcelain hippos 338 00:15:40,973 --> 00:15:42,331 or a VHS recording of Coronation Street, 339 00:15:42,433 --> 00:15:43,970 you've come to the right place. 340 00:15:44,072 --> 00:15:45,942 Something useful, you know, 341 00:15:46,044 --> 00:15:48,545 like a Biro with some actual ink in it, 342 00:15:48,647 --> 00:15:50,539 or a key to the back door, 343 00:15:50,641 --> 00:15:53,617 then thou shalt not find it here. 344 00:15:53,719 --> 00:15:57,087 Have you thrown away any post? 345 00:15:58,184 --> 00:16:00,783 - No. Why? - Nothing. 346 00:16:02,361 --> 00:16:03,556 What? 347 00:16:03,658 --> 00:16:05,961 You can't have a go at him for lying and then lie right back. 348 00:16:06,063 --> 00:16:07,960 I'm not lying. I'm keeping a secret. 349 00:16:08,062 --> 00:16:09,360 That's very different. 350 00:16:09,462 --> 00:16:12,395 - What are you talking about? - Fine. 351 00:16:12,497 --> 00:16:15,265 I'll forgive you for the Lederhosen 352 00:16:15,367 --> 00:16:17,398 if you forgive me for this. 353 00:16:17,500 --> 00:16:18,900 Forgive you for what? 354 00:16:20,675 --> 00:16:22,577 You haven't been watching Traitors without me, have you? 355 00:16:22,679 --> 00:16:24,241 Of course not. 356 00:16:24,343 --> 00:16:26,644 - That is sacred. - OK. 357 00:16:28,249 --> 00:16:31,847 Look, we're being blackmailed... 358 00:16:33,990 --> 00:16:35,624 ..about the insurance money, 359 00:16:35,726 --> 00:16:37,123 by Pamela Anderson. 360 00:16:37,225 --> 00:16:38,623 Don't start. 361 00:16:40,326 --> 00:16:42,264 Bloody hell. That's annoying. 362 00:16:42,366 --> 00:16:46,103 I was rather hoping that would just sort of...go away. 363 00:16:52,835 --> 00:16:54,336 It came a couple of days ago. 364 00:16:54,438 --> 00:16:55,536 We're screwed. 365 00:16:55,638 --> 00:16:57,177 Oh, this doesn't mean anything. 366 00:16:57,279 --> 00:16:59,049 This could have been taken any time. 367 00:16:59,151 --> 00:17:01,149 No, no, no. It's digital. It'll have metadata. 368 00:17:01,252 --> 00:17:02,986 - What's metturdettur? - It means we can see 369 00:17:03,089 --> 00:17:05,279 when it was taken, which was...two weeks ago. 370 00:17:05,381 --> 00:17:06,716 Oh, bollocks. 371 00:17:06,818 --> 00:17:08,849 Well, then we are screwed. I can't believe it. 372 00:17:08,952 --> 00:17:12,554 So this is what Pamela has, the smoking gun. 373 00:17:12,656 --> 00:17:14,864 Well, we made a decent fist of it. 374 00:17:14,966 --> 00:17:16,959 I know. We did so much, didn't we? 375 00:17:17,061 --> 00:17:18,096 Hmm. 376 00:17:18,198 --> 00:17:21,333 What about if we pay up? 377 00:17:21,435 --> 00:17:24,732 You can't. It might be 10K this time, 378 00:17:24,834 --> 00:17:26,537 but once Pam knows you're good for it, 379 00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:29,338 she'll just keep milking and milking and milking 380 00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:30,647 until you're milked dry. 381 00:17:30,749 --> 00:17:32,446 Like breastfeeding him. 382 00:17:32,548 --> 00:17:34,776 If it's any consolation, coming clean will mean that 383 00:17:34,878 --> 00:17:36,851 we can fully pursue Pam for the blackmail. 384 00:17:36,953 --> 00:17:37,945 What about us, though? 385 00:17:38,047 --> 00:17:39,647 Won't you get into trouble for not reporting it? 386 00:17:39,749 --> 00:17:40,781 No. I'll just say I had no idea, 387 00:17:40,883 --> 00:17:42,388 and that your parents were lying to us 388 00:17:42,491 --> 00:17:44,254 as much as they were lying to everyone else. 389 00:17:44,356 --> 00:17:45,928 - No offence. - Right. 390 00:17:46,030 --> 00:17:47,593 - Just one small problem. - Mm. 391 00:17:49,933 --> 00:17:51,369 You're in this photo. 392 00:17:51,471 --> 00:17:52,895 What? 393 00:17:55,501 --> 00:17:57,405 It's gonna be hard to deny you knew 394 00:17:57,507 --> 00:18:00,405 when there's a photo of you stood six feet from him. 395 00:18:00,507 --> 00:18:02,806 Would you excuse me for a moment? 396 00:18:09,315 --> 00:18:11,149 - Oh, dear. - What? 397 00:18:11,251 --> 00:18:13,853 That's my farting cushion. 398 00:18:13,955 --> 00:18:15,489 Oh, William. 399 00:18:16,553 --> 00:18:18,457 How did we not see you? 400 00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:21,462 I did tell you that I'm a master of disguise. 401 00:18:25,266 --> 00:18:28,366 Right, then. Change of plan. 402 00:18:28,468 --> 00:18:29,605 You need to get that off my keys. 403 00:18:29,707 --> 00:18:30,939 What is that? 404 00:18:31,041 --> 00:18:32,537 - A tracker. - Oh, dear. 405 00:18:32,639 --> 00:18:34,535 Harold hasn't made you have that, has he? 406 00:18:34,637 --> 00:18:35,839 That's coercive control. 407 00:18:35,941 --> 00:18:38,575 Actually, maybe I should get one of those for William. 408 00:18:38,677 --> 00:18:39,783 What I need from you is a bag of flour. 409 00:18:39,885 --> 00:18:41,616 - Right. - And parcel tape. 410 00:18:41,718 --> 00:18:42,685 Yeah. 411 00:18:42,787 --> 00:18:44,349 Is self-raising OK? 412 00:18:44,451 --> 00:18:46,524 As long as it looks like cocaine. 413 00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:47,789 Oh, I don't know. 414 00:18:47,891 --> 00:18:49,390 Yeah. No. It's fine. 415 00:18:49,492 --> 00:18:51,987 Look, I need to go to the bank before it closes. 416 00:18:52,089 --> 00:18:54,255 Oh, I thought you said we weren't going to pay Pamela. 417 00:18:54,358 --> 00:18:55,463 We're not. 418 00:18:55,565 --> 00:18:57,363 We're doing a little thing called the hamburger trick, 419 00:18:57,465 --> 00:18:59,769 but we can't set a trap without bait. 420 00:18:59,871 --> 00:19:00,970 Now, I won't be long. 421 00:19:01,072 --> 00:19:03,374 OK, but if it's cash you need... 422 00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:05,275 ..um... 423 00:19:07,208 --> 00:19:10,808 Do you wanna use this? 424 00:19:14,851 --> 00:19:15,948 Who are you? 425 00:19:16,050 --> 00:19:18,020 Debbie Fendon. 426 00:19:18,122 --> 00:19:21,021 Sorry, could you do this for me? 427 00:19:21,123 --> 00:19:22,688 My hands are too sweaty. 428 00:19:25,087 --> 00:19:27,857 Yeah, I just had a quick read there. 429 00:19:27,959 --> 00:19:32,660 I think my problem is, it just reads a bit woolly. 430 00:19:32,763 --> 00:19:35,806 - Mm-hm. - So lose some of the... 431 00:19:35,908 --> 00:19:37,407 You won't do anything silly? 432 00:19:37,509 --> 00:19:40,310 I've already done the silly thing. Now I need to tidy up. 433 00:19:41,747 --> 00:19:42,937 Please let me help. 434 00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:45,211 Do you know what the best thing you could do? 435 00:19:45,313 --> 00:19:47,541 Baby-sit your grandchildren. 436 00:19:47,643 --> 00:19:49,016 Oh, I'd love that. 437 00:19:49,118 --> 00:19:50,216 And so would William. 438 00:19:50,318 --> 00:19:52,781 Good. Where is he, by the way? 439 00:19:52,883 --> 00:19:55,218 Oh, he's pissing in the super-squirters. 440 00:19:57,095 --> 00:19:59,426 Male urine keeps the foxes away. 441 00:19:59,528 --> 00:20:01,293 I always knew that Pamela was a wrong 'un. 442 00:20:01,395 --> 00:20:03,093 Got the nose of a criminal. 443 00:20:03,195 --> 00:20:04,535 Snouty. 444 00:20:07,037 --> 00:20:09,163 Full tank for you, Debs. 445 00:20:11,975 --> 00:20:13,508 I'll do it myself. 446 00:20:22,879 --> 00:20:24,219 We've got one hour till the drop. 447 00:20:24,321 --> 00:20:25,819 And you know to leave it by the bins? 448 00:20:25,922 --> 00:20:26,890 Yes, guv. 449 00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:29,053 - Don't do that. - Sorry, miss. 450 00:20:29,155 --> 00:20:30,184 Or that. 451 00:20:30,286 --> 00:20:32,555 Yeah, sorry. I don't know what I'm... I'm nervous. 452 00:20:32,657 --> 00:20:33,892 OK. Just don't screw it up. OK? 453 00:20:33,994 --> 00:20:34,923 Mmm. 454 00:20:35,025 --> 00:20:36,960 That hasn't made me less nervous, but OK. 455 00:20:41,006 --> 00:20:43,274 - Love you. - Love you more. 456 00:20:49,409 --> 00:20:51,448 Perfect. Along there. 457 00:20:51,550 --> 00:20:55,446 That's it. Good boy. Right to the edges. Yes, that's it. 458 00:20:55,548 --> 00:20:57,645 That's it. What are you doing? 459 00:20:57,747 --> 00:20:59,881 No, no. No, George! No! 460 00:20:59,983 --> 00:21:03,085 You don't know what's in there! George! 461 00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:14,402 Just drop the bag and get out of there. 462 00:21:14,504 --> 00:21:16,563 - Yes, Sarge. - Please stop doing that. 463 00:21:16,665 --> 00:21:17,773 Yeah. I'm sorry. 464 00:21:26,281 --> 00:21:28,083 The eagle has landed. 465 00:21:28,186 --> 00:21:30,882 The toad is in the hole. Repeat. 466 00:21:30,984 --> 00:21:34,124 - The toad is in the hole. - Where are you going? 467 00:21:34,226 --> 00:21:36,122 I'm gonna get myself a hot choccy. 468 00:21:36,224 --> 00:21:37,825 Not now, you berk! 469 00:21:37,927 --> 00:21:39,096 What? 470 00:21:39,198 --> 00:21:41,255 Wait, can you see me? Where are you? 471 00:21:42,726 --> 00:21:44,467 Oh, there you are. Hi. 472 00:21:44,569 --> 00:21:48,267 Don't wave at me, you doofus! We're breaking the law! 473 00:21:48,369 --> 00:21:50,732 Oh, shit. Sorry. Oh, yeah. 474 00:21:50,834 --> 00:21:52,140 I'll get back to the toddlers. 475 00:21:52,242 --> 00:21:54,411 Yeah, all four of them! 476 00:22:01,848 --> 00:22:04,618 "The sleepy mice could dance no more. 477 00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:08,425 "They wandered home through the snow tunnels, 478 00:22:08,527 --> 00:22:13,397 "climbed the stairs, and crept into their warm beds." 479 00:22:17,332 --> 00:22:19,136 "Outside the windows, 480 00:22:19,238 --> 00:22:22,104 "the snow had started to fall again, 481 00:22:22,207 --> 00:22:25,534 "but every mouse in Brambly Hedge 482 00:22:25,636 --> 00:22:28,478 "was fast asleep." 483 00:22:30,707 --> 00:22:32,541 Love you, Granny. 484 00:22:32,643 --> 00:22:34,451 Love you, Grandpa. 485 00:22:48,624 --> 00:22:50,060 Gotcha!